


Pumpkin Spice Everything

by nerdzeword



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, James Potter is the best wingman, M/M, Marlene McKinnon is a badass, Sirius is a basic white girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-16 18:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16500650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdzeword/pseuds/nerdzeword
Summary: In Which Sirius is a White Girl ™ and Remus is too tired for this shit. Coffee shop AU.





	Pumpkin Spice Everything

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

“Pumpkin Spice Latte for Karen!” Sirius read the name off the cup. Sirius already liked Karen, she had good taste. Sirius lived for fall. The weather, the sweaters, and especially _pumpkin spice everything_. James liked to tell him that he was a teenaged white girl in a twenty three year old male body. He hummed pleasantly as he turned to make the next drink.

“Is that for Karim?” A guy asked, pointing at Sirius’ beautiful latte art. He wasn’t bad looking per se, but the outraged look on his face counteracted any attraction Sirius might have felt. Ah damn. Had he known that the drink wasn’t for a beautiful girl, he wouldn’t have bothered with the art.

“It says Karen, but sure dude.” Sirius turned to look at James. “Karen?” He asked as soon as the guy was out of earshot. James smirked as he rung up the next person.

“He tried feeling up Marley.” Sirius nodded thoughtfully. Marlene Mckinnon was their most recent hire. She was the same age as them, quick as a whip, and pretty to boot. Which is probably why they should have had her ringing up customers and sent James to wipe down tables instead.

“What’d she do to him?” Marley may have been pretty, but she also taught Judo to Middle Schoolers on the Weekends.

“Hapkido.” From what Sirius understood, Hapkido wasn’t strictly Judo, since it mainly just used small hand movements to inflict pain.  But it was apparently very, very useful for getting out of someone else’s grip. Which was probably why Marlene had taken the time to learn it.

“Ah damn. She never does takedowns anymore. I love it when she does takedowns.”

“Kinky.”

“Don’t make it gay, Potter. Caramel Macchiato for Trish!” Sirius and James had been working together at the Cafe since they both could read, and had been running it since James’ dad had gotten sick the year before. Sirius liked to think that they were doing a good job with it, but he had a feeling that James’ business minded mother might disagree, due to the sheer number of customers they tended to scare off because neither of them liked to follow the ‘the customer is always right’ model. The customer is not always right. Sometimes the customer is just an asshole.

 

After the rush had slowed down, James left to take his break and flirt with Lily, the girl who worked in the bookstore next door. Sirius hated when James was on break, bossing Marley around by himself wasn’t nearly as fun. Not that she listened to either of them anyway.

The bell on the door dinged again, Sirius glanced up and had to force himself to keep from gaping at the man who had just walked in. He was cute. Really cute. With wild brown curls and large blocky hipster glasses, he looked out of place amongst the business suits that frequented the cafe at this time of day. That was where the hipster resemblance ended however, as he was dressed in a heavy yellow sweater that wasn’t quite nice enough to be considered fashionable. His general aesthetic painfully contrasted the deep scars that criss crossed his face, speaking of a darker story.

Sirius was immediately in love. He loved a good mystery, and that was a gay sweater if he had ever seen one.

“Hello!” Sirius greeted him cheerfully. “What can i get started for you?”

“Hi.” The man studied the menu intently.

“If you’re looking to try something new, I make a mean Pumpkin Spice Latte.” Sirius specialized in pumpkin products. He could also make a heavenly pumpkin bread when he had the time and energy.

“No thanks,” The man continued to study the menu, barely sparing Sirius a glance. Well then, that was rude. And after Sirius had gone through all that effort to keep his newfound love to himself too. The man finally ordered a simple hot chocolate with whip. Sirius wondered why he had stared at the menu for so long if he was just going to buy a hot chocolate.

“Name?” Sirius asked, entering the order into the computer. He didn’t really need a name when there were so few people in the cafe, but this was the easiest way to get to know the mysterious man anyway.

“Remus.” Bless him, even his name was beautiful. Sirius liked to think the best of people, so he opted to ignore the slight from earlier and made a chocolate shaving heart on top anyway. That should be obvious shouldn’t it? Remus glanced at the art, a little crease appearing in his forehead as he glanced at the heart. Sirius wanted to smack his head into the wall when Remus only picked it up and sat down at the corner.

 

Remus was panicking. Lily had not warned him about James’ beautiful coworker. The absolute bitch.

Okay, that was not strictly true and Remus felt bad for calling her a bitch, even in the safety of his own brain. But as his best friend, Lily had the obligation to tell him that the guy that worked next door to her bookstore was painfully gorgeous. Remus needed at least five business days warning before he could try talking to cute people. Lily knew this. He would have to have a talk with her about her blatant neglect of her best friend duties.

The problem was of course, that a lot of people were attractive, and Remus could rarely plan for all of them. Lily liked to tell him that he was the dictionary entry for disaster bi. Some days he thought she might be right. He glanced back up at the cute barista, who looked like he was pouting over something.

 

_Why didn’t you tell me the barista next door is hot._

 

he texted Lily. She texted back almost immediately.

 

_You’ve met James, you already know that._

 

Remus scrunched up his nose at the thought of fancying James Potter. Sure, he was a nice bloke, but he was so in love with Lily that it was a wonder that he even saw other people existed at all. Plus there was the little detail that despite her facade, Lily liked him back. There was no way he was ever going to try to make a move on his best friend’s man. As if he could make a move on anyone really.

_He’s not my type. No. The other one._

_Marlene?_

Remus rolled his eyes. As Lily’s other best friend, he had known Marlene for a while. And more than that, he knew that Lily knew he knew Marlene, and was being intentionally obstinate.

_Not her. The one with the long hair._

He played along.

 

_No. Remus. You can’t._

_Can’t what?_

_You can’t have a thing for Sirius Black. He’s worse than James!_

 

_Need I remind you: ‘Have you seen his hair Remus? It’s so pullable.’_

 

He quoted something she had said when she had drunk called him the week before. Part of him wishes she had just called James instead, so he didn’t have to deal with their increasingly outrageous flirting.

 

_We agreed to never talk about that Remus._

_I agreed to nothing of the sort._

_Top ten anime betrayals 0.0_

 

Remus smiled and finished off his hot chocolate. Finding no other reason to stay and subtly watch Sirius, he regretfully got up and dropped his used mug at the counter, shooting the barista a small smile as he left.

  


If Sirius hadn’t declared his love already, he definitely would have after seeing that smile. And he had bussed his own table? True sign of boyfriend material. Sirius was determined to get to know this mysterious Remus. But first he would need to do a little recon.

Sirius liked to think of himself as a protagonist in a video game or a movie. He had made it through his tragic backstory and was going to be hitting his big awakening any day now. Some days he thought that his story would be a harrowing action story, in which he would somehow find himself the unlikely hero, forced to do as he could to save the day. Others, he was determined to be the protagonist in a black and white dystopian zombie film, and had started accumulating skills as such. Never let it be said that Sirius Black would not survive in a zombie apocalypse.

Today though, he was channeling his inner spy.

“Hey, James,” he asked when James had returned from his break, ten minutes late as usual. “Do you know a Remus?” James blinked at the sudden question, but answered him anyway.

“Yeah. He’s Lily’s best friend.” Damn, Sirius was good at this.

“Huh,” was his only response. He was already plotting a new way to get information as it wouldn’t do to continue using James as a resource. One should never let ones friends in on a conquest of the heart.

Next was Marlene. As Lily’s, presumably other, best friend; she would probably know who Remus was. But his problem then laid in the fact that he had no idea how to ask her without arousing suspicion in himself.

His dilemma was resolved upon the return of Remus himself, three days later. He was wearing a red pullover this time, and a striped yellow and red tie.

“Hello!” Sirius greeted again. Remus looked up from his phone and shot Sirius a small smile.

“Hello.”

“Can I interest you in a Pumpkin Spice Latte yet?” Sirius grinned at the smile.

“Um. Actually I’m allergic to pumpkin?” he said it quietly, as a question, and Sirius’ heart nearly melted right then and there.

“You’re allergic to pumpkin?” Sirius confirmed, aghast on his behalf.

“Yeah.”

“That’s no good. So you’ve never had pumpkin pie, or pumpkin cookies, or pumpkin bread?”

“Um. No?” Sirius was upset. One did not simply _not eat pumpkin_ in his cafe. Not in his watch. Allergy or no.

“Hmmm. I’ll see what I can come up with.” he told the other man seriously.

“Okay?” Remus looked confused but opted not to question him, instead just ordering his hot chocolate and sitting in the corner texting as he had before. After sipping his hot chocolate for 20 minutes or so, he got up, bussed his own table and left with a smile and an adorable little wave.

“Was that Remus Lupin I just saw?” Marlene asked him after Remus was out of sight.

“Is that his name?” Sirius played it off, but he could have kissed her in that moment. He now had a last name! There were so many things you could do with a last name!

“Yeah. He’s a good friend of Lily’s. They went to high school together or something.”

“Oh really?” Marlene shrugged.

“He’s nice enough. A bit quiet. Lily seems to think he’s hilarious though, says he’s the biggest disaster bi she’s ever met, for whatever that’s worth.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Not that Sirius was complaining really, internally he was jumping for joy, but he wondered just how close Marlene really was to Remus if she was telling him Remus’ sexuality without a second thought. Did that mean that Remus was already taken?

“Because I think he needs more friends besides just Lily. And you’re irritatingly capable of making friends.” Sirius just laughed. She wasn’t exactly wrong.

  


The next time Remus showed up at the cafe, James was actually there as well. He was slightly disappointed that it wasn’t just Sirius again. He liked talking to the energetic man. He had a tendency to ramble, so Remus never felt like he had to say anything at all. It was nice.

“Heyyyyy Moony!” James called out, using the nickname he had been given the one day he had taken his sweater off when he was visiting Lily.

“Moony?” Sirius questioned, looking up from the drink he was making.

“Yeah, because he’s got a sick tat of the moon. Show him Remus!” Remus just knew he was blushing as he complied, rolling up his sleeve. Sirius gaped at it with all the exuberance of a puppy. It was cute. Remus rolled his sleeve back down and tried to contain his gay thoughts.

“So I discovered that you can replace pumpkin with squash if you want to try a Pumpkin Spice today.” Sirius told him. Remus blushed even harder if possible.

“Except, I’m also allergic to squash.” He felt bad, Sirius was obviously trying to share something he loved, and Remus just couldn’t.

“So not only are you allergic to pumpkin, but also squash?”

“Squash, cucumbers, zucchini, melons, citrus fruits, bananas and tomatoes.” Remus listed them off. His students had been far more upset over the fact that he couldn’t eat watermelon than they were about the squash. Now that he thought about it though, they had reacted in much the same way as Sirius had.

“No matter! I will just find some other way!” Remus hadn’t even made it to the counter to order yet before Sirius was shoving a hot chocolate into his hands.

“On the house.” Sirius winked at him. Leaving him even more flustered and confused. Was - was Sirius flirting with him?

  


Sirius was destroying the kitchen he shared with James. There were three different recipes up between his phone and his laptop, and pumpkin pie spice spilled over every surface. Having found a suitable equivalent, he was now trying to find the proper mixture of spice and milk to the sweet potatoes he was using to replace pumpkin.

“What are you doing?” James yawned “It’s three in the morning Sirius.”

“I’ve almost got it.”

“That doesn’t answer the question, you useless twig.”

“I’m making a pumpkin spice latte.” Sirius responded, not looking up from where he was measuring milk.

“Without pumpkin?”

“Exactly.”

“Why?”

“Because Remus is allergic.”James stared at him.

“Sirius. You’re telling me that you’re tearing apart the kitchen at three in the morning, for Lily’s best friend.”

“Yup.” Had Sirius had more sleep, he might have given more thought to his answers. As it was however, he couldn’t be bothered to curb his initial responses.

“Why don’t you just ask him out like a normal fucking human?”

“I have to woo him first James!” Sirius finally turned to look at his aghast best friend.

“And you think that making him a frankendrink that he may or may not even like is the way to do it?” Sirius paused.

“Well…” James rolled his eyes.

“Go to bed Sirius. You can clean this up in the morning.”

  


Remus stumbled into the cafe the next day, thoroughly exhausted from the day. His seventh year students had apparently decided to hit puberty all at once, and what he had thought to be an enjoyable class, had become the worst class of the day overnight. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he was here instead of falling into his bed at home.

“Hey Remus!” Sirius greeted him cheerfully. Ah yes, that was why.

“Hello.” He greeted.

“Hot chocolate?” Sirius asked. Remus hummed an affirmative. He loved a smart man.

“Right up!” Remus could feel James’ eyes on him the entire time, but he couldn’t decipher why. Sirius handed him his hot chocolate.

“Thank you. Have you found a suitable pumpkin substitute yet?” He asked with interest, finding it odd that Sirius had yet to mention it.

“Sort of. I found a substitute, but I haven’t perfected the recipe yet.” That would explain that then.

“Well, good luck I guess.” Sirius shot him another of his mind blowing grins, and Remus responded with a smile of his own before taking his hot chocolate to his usual table. As soon as he had sat down, James moved from where he was leaning against the back counter and dropped a napkin on the table. Remus glanced up at the other man.

“What’s this?”

“Sirius’ number, since he’s being too chicken shit to give it to you himself.” Remus just stared at him, his tired brain moving too slow to process James’ words.

“He’s- what?”

“He likes you, and you obviously like him back since you haven’t shut down his terrible Not-Pumpkin Spice Latte idea. Actually, I’d say he likes you more than anyone else I’ve seen him chase. He usually has more game.” Remus just stared at him.

“He- I- what?” James just laughed and patted him on the shoulder.

“You’d be good for him I think, text him K?” Remus looked up and caught Sirius’ eyes. He only smiled slightly and shrugged. Remus found himself smiling back. Maybe he would text. Or maybe he would wait until Sirius could ask him himself? He could decide later.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I too am a disaster Bi, so Remus is basically just me, but cuter.  
> 2\. I, like Sirius, also tend to acquire new skills and friendships for the sole reason that I think that they would be helpful in the case of a zombie apocalypse. On that note, if you think you could successfully run a farm or ranch, hit me up.


End file.
